[ He recalls the connection he had with Qui-Gon and the pull of the Force he hadn't known anything about yet. ]
He did. He-- He freed me. [ Could have freed his mother, could have left me ] But it's not the same as what you and Qui-Gon shared. He was your Master.
[ He shakes his head lightly, turning away. In those days, talking about Qui-Gon was difficult and Obi-Wan had put him on a pedestal, when he was bereft of guidance. ]
He was that. And more. But perhaps I should have spoken of his flaws too.
[ They've never said it before. They couldn't, wouldn't . . . there were so many reasons between them, an ocean of can'ts and won'ts. Many of them had been of Obi-Wan's making.
But they were making up for it. Standing besides Anakin now . . . it felt they were more than a team. Obi-Wan never denied what Anakin was to him. But he never said it. Even now, the words falter in the face of Anakin's boldness.
( my brother )
So he places his arm on Anakin's shoulder, squeezing it tightly, for all the words Obi-Wan couldn't say, still can't say. ]
[ He's surprised by the touch and nearly scoffs at Obi-Wan's attempt at ...something like a hug. But the inexplicable sense of speechless joy, love and respect flows between their bond, shutting him up. Anakin wears a look of unguarded happiness. This is something even he can't put into words. He simply bows his head and lightly touch the arm on his shoulder.
Thank you, Master echos through their bond but outwardly he says: ]
[ Ah. His expressions softens a little, just a bit. ]
I didn't. Satine did, long ago.
[ They came up with it, fumbling in the dark, mission after mission of rounding supporters for the renegade Duchess. Qui-Gon had been keeping watch and they were tossing ideas at each other over the fire.
Ben sounds undignified, he had protested.
All the more reason to use it, my dear, she replied with a click of her tongue and that had been the end of that. ]
[ Obi-Wan had barely said anything about what happened to the Duchess of Mandalore. He read the reports, of course, but discussing it, he's not sure he or Obi-Wan is ready for that. ]
If you-- [ He starts, paused and wondered what he was doing then push forward when he was answered with 'helping'. ] If you ever want to talk about her, Obi-Wan.
[ He nods. The offer is well meant. Obi-Wan isn't sure he could talk about what happened to Satine. How much of it is tied to guilt, loss and the one man who would not stay dead, who hunted Obi-Wan down with a possessive need to overcome him.
He's spoken about her in pieces, little parts that did not hurt to give away. ]
[ He squeeze Obi-Wan's shoulder and returns to his machinery.
Jedi do not grieve for the lost, they celebrate their return to the Force. They never talked about his mother's death after the initial backlash, they probably won't talk about this either.
So he turns it around for lighter conversation. ]
"Old Ben" kind of catches on. You never know what kind of things an "Old Ben" could get up to.
. . . I'm sure no matter where he is, Rex can take care of himself. He's done it before.
[ Though the fate of the clones hangs over their heads. No point in bringing it up. He runs a hand through his beard, before admitting whom he misses. ]
For all of Yoda's cryptic wisdom, I do feel I could use it right now.
[ He almost rolls his eyes, sighs and shakes his head at the same time. He'd do all those things if there wasn't a wrench in his hand that takes away all the need to. ]
It's not really about that. Rex's a good person to talk to. I miss his company, that's all. You couldn't talk to Master Yoda the same way you could talk to Rex. [ He adds, quickly and under his breath: ] ... At least I can't.
Well, Rex might be doing better at not losing at Sabacc. Statistically speaking, of course.
[ He gives Obi-Wan a sheepish look then laughs. He'd add that he hasn't been gambling a little with the Clones, on their off hours but what's the point. It's only a bit of fun. ]
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He did. He-- He freed me. [ Could have freed his mother, could have left me ] But it's not the same as what you and Qui-Gon shared. He was your Master.
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[ He shakes his head lightly, turning away. In those days, talking about Qui-Gon was difficult and Obi-Wan had put him on a pedestal, when he was bereft of guidance. ]
He was that. And more. But perhaps I should have spoken of his flaws too.
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But they were making up for it. Standing besides Anakin now . . . it felt they were more than a team. Obi-Wan never denied what Anakin was to him. But he never said it. Even now, the words falter in the face of Anakin's boldness.
( my brother )
So he places his arm on Anakin's shoulder, squeezing it tightly, for all the words Obi-Wan couldn't say, still can't say. ]
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Thank you, Master echos through their bond but outwardly he says: ]
You're getting soft in your old age.
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I don't think you're one to talk . . . grandpa.
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I think Luke calls you Old Ben. Did you know that?
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I heard. I'm not sure why. I assume it was my attempt to have some kind of alias. I kind of wish I had chosen something else.
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At least it's not Rako Hardeen. [ And when the light humour fades, the nagging knowledge of why Obi-Wan needs an alias weighs down on his shoulders. ]
You don't really look like a Ben. Why would you pick that?
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I didn't. Satine did, long ago.
[ They came up with it, fumbling in the dark, mission after mission of rounding supporters for the renegade Duchess. Qui-Gon had been keeping watch and they were tossing ideas at each other over the fire.
Ben sounds undignified, he had protested.
All the more reason to use it, my dear, she replied with a click of her tongue and that had been the end of that. ]
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If you-- [ He starts, paused and wondered what he was doing then push forward when he was answered with 'helping'. ] If you ever want to talk about her, Obi-Wan.
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He's spoken about her in pieces, little parts that did not hurt to give away. ]
I know. Just . . . not yet.
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Jedi do not grieve for the lost, they celebrate their return to the Force. They never talked about his mother's death after the initial backlash, they probably won't talk about this either.
So he turns it around for lighter conversation. ]
"Old Ben" kind of catches on. You never know what kind of things an "Old Ben" could get up to.
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[ Though Luke's Jedi education is still a strange thing to him. How little he had done and what happened that made Obi-Wan direct Luke to Yoda? ]
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[ But there were so many. It gets hard to keep track of the ones that are alive and the ones long gone.
He's quiet for a moment then he spills it, that dull ache in his chest. ]
Rex. That's who I miss.
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[ Though the fate of the clones hangs over their heads. No point in bringing it up. He runs a hand through his beard, before admitting whom he misses. ]
For all of Yoda's cryptic wisdom, I do feel I could use it right now.
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It's not really about that. Rex's a good person to talk to. I miss his company, that's all. You couldn't talk to Master Yoda the same way you could talk to Rex. [ He adds, quickly and under his breath: ] ... At least I can't.
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I do wonder how the clones are doing.
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[ He gives Obi-Wan a sheepish look then laughs. He'd add that he hasn't been gambling a little with the Clones, on their off hours but what's the point. It's only a bit of fun. ]
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I'm sure he'll pass on his techniques to the new recruits.
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His losing techniques aren't going to win him any favors.
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Rex deserves a raise for even attempting to play.
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